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Earlier this week, I posted the full text of the Tea Party Movement’s Declaration of Independence. And there’s no question the Tea Partiers take themselves seriously — at 1,900 words, the Tea Party Decleration is nearly 50 percent longer than the original signed by our founding fathers.
And both documents end the same way — with a stirring promise to pledge “our Lives our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor” in the cause of liberty.
Well, guess what? It seems that sacred Honor doesn’t get the roads salted.
Yes, it’s sad to say, but apparently, a Birthday Party for the Tea Party — slated to be held in the North Hills tomorrow — has been called off due to weather. I just got the following message from the Tea Party folks:
The Anniversary Party of the First Pittsburgh Tea Party and Birthday Party of the Pittsburgh Tea Party Movement has been cancelled due to the snowstorm. The event will be rescheduled at a different venue and details will follow …
If you have already purchased food for the event, please invite your friends or neighbors over to your house for your own personal tea party.
Hold on a minute. I mean, I know it’s slippy out. But you just issued a statement pledging to oppose those who wish “to impose a Socialist agenda on our Republic.” According to your Declaration, there is nothing less at stake here than “socialist schemes designed to bankrupt us and put the American people in a position of dependence on the State, as peasants begging for their very sustenance.” You have declared a willingness to put your lives on the line in order to keep us free of the yoke of oppression …
But you’re gonna let a weather forecast turn you aside?
Hey, Tea Partiers: You think George Washington gave up on Valley Forge because there might be a little snow? The guy crossed the Delaware River on Christmas Eve — and you can’t make it up McKnight Road on a Saturday? If you can’t even defy Julie Bologna, how are you going to stand up to the tyrants and oppressors?
And remember: A lot of these winter-weather advisories come from the government, in the form of the National Weather Service. Since when are you gonna let some government bureaucrat tell you where to go? These are the same people who believe in global climate change, for God’s sake.
So get out there and celebrate your commitment to God-given freedom. And if your Hummer ends up in a ditch, don’t worry: The invisible hand of the free-market — in the form of a towing service — will be there to pull you out.
This article appears in Feb 25 – Mar 3, 2010.
Genius, Chris. Pure genius. I made the mistake of reading this while having breakfast, and I damned near spit my milk all over my monitor. Classic.
The Tea Partiers remind me of those deeply committed folks who like to protest CMU’s unholy alliance with the military industrial complex. In ten years of working at the university, I often saw them, loudly and dutifully protesting at Forbes & Morewood — whenever the weather was nice. Not once, not ever, did I see them protesting on that corner in rain, or snow, or even a gentle little mist.
Commitment to your cause is one thing. Commitment to your own comfort is obviously quite another.
If one didn’t make or support the idea of public services, then it would be silly not to at least get some benefit from your taxes. You didn’t make the rules, and if you did, then that is another matter.
and besides the Tea Baggers are new at this protesting stuff. They haven’t had the practice the left has had. They have not had 40 plus years of sitting around the local campus quad bitching and moaning about not receiving every entitlement program under the sun. Just know this, when a conservative takes a day off work, you know there’s trouble.