I’m not averse to a good listicle, the term for journalism-adjacent lists of things created for the purpose of capturing eyeballs. Who isn’t interested in seeing where T.J. Watt ranks in a “Top 10 Linebackers Since 2000” listicle, or “Celebrities Sauerkraut Saul Could Beat Up”? I am!
And yet, once in a while you find one that simply boggles the mind. I recently received an email pitch from InvestorsObserver about “The Big Mac Housing Index” (forwarded by City Paper’s news editor Colin Williams). Instead of something easy to understand like money, they have chosen to discuss housing prices in terms of their equivalent in Big Macs at McDonald’s.
“By 2025, the number of Big Macs required to buy a median-priced house dropped to roughly 70,950 Big Macs,” it notes.
Haha gross! You could build your own house out of beef with that many Big Macs, which would last a few hours until it’s attacked by raccoons and/or declared a Superfund biohazard.
So, for one median-priced house in Pittsburgh ($243,355 according to Zillow), you could also buy … 42,030 Big Macs! Or, instead, you could buy:
- Quarts of Turner’s Iced Tea: 163,325.
- Mario Lemieux jerseys at Yinzers in The Burgh: 1,216.
- Used folding chairs (parking chairs) on Facebook Marketplace: 27,150.
- Joey Porter’bella sandwiches at Peppi’s Old Tyme Sandwich Shoppe: 23,176
- Parmesan Reggiano (1 lb). at Penn Mac: 10,585
- Buccos pitcher Carmen Mlodzinski (or equivalent): 0.32
- Bootleg Kenny Pickett jerseys in the Strip: infinite.
For sale: 2126 Rockledge St., Spring Hill, $199,000.
This house was built in 1970, according to the listing, which may or may not be true. It certainly looks older than that from a structural standpoint — it wasn’t against the law to build homes without lawns and garages in 1970, but it wasn’t exactly encouraged. The scent of the ‘70s (acid and fondue, mostly) clings to that blood-red carpet, though. It’s interesting that this house is two stories, but is way shorter than its neighbors, which might be a trick of the elevation or photo perspective.
For rent: 399 Division Ave., Bellevue, $845/month.
One of these days, I’m going to do a deep dive on Bellevue housing, which seems like it offers a lot for not very much money. I’m sure there are some drawbacks, but the old reason why restaurants didn’t want to be there — it was a “dry” town for decades — is no longer the case. It’s got an excellent, walkable main business district with most of the basics and a few things that seems like they are pandering to me in particular (the Pittsburgh Pinball Dojo). This apartment is nothing special unless you really love the color gray, but that’s an excellent rent for any major metropolitan area, Pittsburgh included.
For sale: 1845 Ley St., Troy Hill, $179,000.
Ley lines are “invisible lines that are believed to connect ancient and significant sites, such as prehistoric monuments and natural features, and are thought to carry mystical or spiritual energy,” says the internet. I don’t know if this cute little built-in-1900 house on Ley Street in Troy Hill is at the nexus of any nearby ley lines, but there are certainly some holy sites nearby, like the ancient reliquary of St. Anthony’s Chapel, and Frank’s Pizza and Chicken.
For rent: 303 Natchez St., Mt. Washington, $1,625/month.
Hey, if you want to live in Pittsburgh, you might as well live in Pittsburgh. Most people would see a steep, verdant hillside like the one this place is on, and find it utterly uninhabitable. And yet, Pittsburghers are like, I wonder if we can get a Sheetz up here? I mean, probably, if you airlifted it via helicopter.
For sale: 213 Giffin Ave., Mt. Oliver, $159,900.
Four bedrooms, three baths, several thousand circa-1931 yellow bricks, and one bathroom painted a color green that seems to have departed the earth in the early 1980s and never returned. The backyard is at such a different elevation than the front, that the house seems to have another floor entirely, or at least a basement backdoor.
For rent: 1617 Buena Vista St., Mexican War Streets, $1,500/month.
Our great-grandchildren aren’t going to be real thrilled with us for numerous reasons, but at least we stopped the barbaric practice of abandoning and/or destroying places like the Mexican War Streets, and replaced them with modern conveniences like strip malls, drive-thrus, and three-car garages. I mean, the damage was done in a lot of places — look up what Allegheny Center Mall replaced nearby, if you want to be angry — but there’s always something worth saving, even when all seems lost.
