Deprecated: mb_convert_encoding(): Handling HTML entities via mbstring is deprecated; use htmlspecialchars, htmlentities, or mb_encode_numericentity/mb_decode_numericentity instead in /var/www/html/wp-content/plugins/super-cool-ad-inserter/inc/scaip-shortcode-inserter.php on line 37

5812 Fredanna St. Credit: Photo: Courtesy of Zillow

Ho ho ho! Where’s the best place to celebrate Christmas?

Atlanta! Who’s in second? Pittsburgh!

I was going to complain that Pittsburgh should be immediately disqualified from consideration, because when was the last time we even had a white Christmas?

But if the other cities are Seattle, Las Vegas (?) and Orlando (??), clearly we have different criteria. And what are WalletHub’s (yes, them again) criteria?

“In addition to being affordable, the best cities have a large number of people celebrating, plenty of places for Christians to worship, populations who give generously to charity, and plenty of fun activities to enjoy with family and friends.”

Of the 100 largest U.S. metros analyzed, Pittsburgh earns its spot via a #1 ranking in “Number of affordable, high-quality restaurants” (sure), 11th in average beverage price (OK), #18 in average meal cost (plausible), 16^th in online giving per capita (huh?), 8^th in Christian population (um, I guess), and 12^th in food banks per capita (what).

As for my New Year’s resolutions, I’m throwing out the remaining Halloween candy and any remaining clickbait listicles in the same trash bag. Happy Holidays!

For sale: 5812 Fredanna St., Lincoln Place, $140,000.
Am I being trolled here? Because this place is entirely monochromatic (grey/white) and minimalist except for Grinch stuff, which is everywhere. I’m sorry but this is festive as hell. I want to live in the Grinch house. When Christmas is over, does it go back to black and white, like The Wizard of Oz in reverse?

3715 Trautman St. Credit: Photo: Courtesy of Zillow

For rent: 3715 Trautman St., Homestead, $1,595/month.
Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a giant porch, and carpet so new and clean it looks like a Zamboni smoothed it out. This wood-frame home was built almost exactly a century ago, but looks pretty good, all things considered. It may not seem relevant in December, but having central air will be useful again before you know it.

4918 Glenwood Ave. Credit: Photo: Courtesy of Zillow

For sale: 4918 Glenwood Ave., Hazelwood, $195,000.
This little red house is so cute and compact that I expect to find one in my stocking (you hear me, Santa?) wedged in between foil-wrapped chocolates. Look, if you suspect that this is your kind of house, well, you’re in luck; Pittsburgh has quite a few of them. But they are not making any more of them, and certainly not for this price. So, make a list and check it twice, because someone 104 years ago must have been nice.

Park View Apartments, 10 Allegheny Center Credit: Photo: Courtesy of Zillow

For rent: Park View Apartments, 10 Allegheny Center, North Side, $945/month.
The past is truly an undiscovered country, as remote and unknowable as Antarctica. Like, can you believe that last century, they really blew up the historic core of old Allegheny City and replaced it with a mall, of all things? Imagine the beautiful 19^th-century rowhouses a few blocks away in the Mexican War Streets — then make the mental contortions necessary to think “this would be better as an Orange Julius and a Payless Shoes.” After decades of zombie-like torpor, Allegheny Center has been largely reborn as office space for tech companies and data centers. There were always a few affordable apartment buildings even when the mall had stores, and surprisingly, they remain affordable today.

5221 Schenley Ave. Credit: Photo: Courtesy of Zillow

For sale: 5221 Schenley Ave., Garfield, $129,500.
Good news: there are still plenty of sub-$150k houses in Pittsburgh. Of course, the catch is that most are pretty weird. For instance, this one has four bedrooms, but only one off-center window between them. Oh, and a carpet of such luxuriant cerulean blue that it looks like the basement flooded. But that giant hedge/gate combination in front gives this place a sense of privacy, and the back deck gives you some useful outdoor space.

The Preserve at Heinz, 950 Progress St Credit: Photo: Courtesy of Zillow

For rent: The Preserve at Heinz, 950 Progress St., North Side. $1,199/month.
What’s the most obscure neighborhood in Pittsburgh? Is it Hays, with more deer than people? Or Chateau, with more Taco Bells than residents? Or is it Schweizer Loch – or “Swiss Hole,” settled by German-Swiss immigrants, just to the west of the former Heinz factory complex? It says something that this 96-year-old factory was built better, and is simply more attractive, than 96% of newly-built apartments. Imagine, after spending a 12-hour day toiling in the ketchup mines, trying not to lock eyes with the fearsome towheaded children of Swiss Hole. (No, I can’t imagine it either).